Ineed to f---ing graduate already. I've been in college for 10 semesters now, and I'm not going to graduate until the 11th. And it's not like I fooled around in community college for three or four semesters. Ten semesters - all at San Diego State. I can only think of one person from my graduating class in high school who attends SDSU who won't finish before me. In fact, I recently came across an old high school chum who I was surprised to still see on campus. It would've been nice if he had a story similar to mine: switching majors, missing sign ups for the WPA, donating textbooks to charity two weeks into the semester, stuff like that. No such luck. The guy is still an undergrad, but he is graduating (before me) this semester. He even spent a year in Spain. Oh, and he's going to have three degrees: English, math and Spanish. Sure, the guy is just going to end up a diverse high school teacher, but it still stings. Three degrees in five years, when it has taken me five and a half to get one. It's not like I want to be here. I'm not one of those guys who is "just not ready to start working in the real world." Why would anyone want to stay at SDSU? Is it the rampant syphilis or our suck-tacular football team? According to statistics that are probably true, more girls here can catch an STD on any one evening than SDSU receivers caught passes all last season. What's worse is that somehow I'm taking three classes this semester that are 100-level. I'm pretty sure I'm older than the grad student who teaches my Biology 100 lab. It's one thing if you're one of those 40-year-olds who came back to school; that's awesome. Second chances, dusting off the old backpack, figuring out computers, making awkward jokes about how old you are, that all sounds good. I'm at my wit's end, depending on what that means. I'm sick of hearing meat-head frat boys correcting me: "It's not a frat, it's a fraternity." Cool. I guess at some point while you were doing jäger bombs and diseased girls you forgot what an abbreviation was. An (un)related fact: According to the Internet, symptoms of late-stage syphilis include memory loss, problems with mental functioning, walking, balance and vision, in addition to impotence and loss of feeling, particularly in the legs. I guess that works out, if you have late-stage syphilis, it's probably best for society if you just sit at home, immobile, blind and flaccid. Frat. Frat. Frat. I've been told it's an image thing. People associate the word frat with binge drinking on roofs or skipping class to throw a football around on a roof while binge drinking or binge drinking, then falling off a roof trying to catch a football. (What is it with hanging out on the roof? It looks like they're filming a "Tremors" sequel.) Adding six letters is really going to help your image. But now half of your bros need to learn how to spell it. Get it? Because guys in frats are dumb. Says the guy who can't seem to graduate in less than six years. Frat.
-Tanner Rollin is a geography senior.
-This column does not necessarily reflect the opinion of The Daily Aztec.
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