 "Photo: Jason Payne / Staff Photographer")
"Oooooo!" Your palms are sweating, you feel the cup begin to slip. Immediately, everybody's attention goes from "Independent" (I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T, do you know what that mean?) to watching a solo red cup crash to the ground. Some people might have felt the Keystone on their calf, others might have just stared in disbelief, but they can all agree: You just committed a party foul. If you've ever butchered a social gathering with any of the following atrocities, then killing the mood is probably one of your fortes; but rest assured, there is help.
Spilling your beer or mixed drink It's obvious that spilling a drink isn't going to make you friends, but when you spill it on a girl's chest while tripping over a keg, you have a problem. If you feel like you're swerving in or around the keg, stop. Take note of these things: Dogs aren't mops for cleaning up your spills, the wooden floor isn't intended to be a slip-and-slide and fish don't drink "Natty Light."
Becoming loud or belligerent There are a few things you should never yell at a party - "cops," "hella," "camel toe" and the N-word. If you're one of those annoying people who talk too much, proceed with caution. Try some of these tips to help take your foot out of your mouth: Bring some Mad Libs to the party so when you do say something, you'll have an excuse. Try surrounding yourself with people who actually like you. This way, you'll still have friends in the morning if you do slip up. And unless you belong on "America's Next Top Model," keep your clothes on - seriously.
Puking or excreting anything - at all When you pee your pants, you ruin a party. This isn't second grade, wetting your pants isn't cool anymore. Let's get real. If you feel the urge to "let it go," or yak the California Hand Roll you had for dinner, don't. Putting liquids into your body is cool - it's happening. But when liquids - and liquids that smell, for that matter - come out the other way, everyone suffers. "While staying at my roommate's house back home I puked on his 15-year-old dog," business administration senior Brandon Aasen said. "My roommate said, 'Dude my dog is old, he doesn't need this s---.' I had to go spend a week with his family after, so I felt bad."
Stealing or fighting Stealing a keg tap or punching a hole through a wall is definitely grounds for a black eye or knuckle sandwich to the face. Party fouls are one thing, but stealing the host's porn collection or a mom's cooking recipe is absurd. Your days of partying are done. Let's focus on extending the length of house parties, not destroying them. Cheers.
-Jessica Napier is a journalism senior. Faryar Borhani is a journalism sophomore.
-This column does not necessarily reflect the opinion of The Daily Aztec.
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