 "Photo: David J. Olender, Assistant Photo Editor")
The aerobic queen adorns a skin-tight spandex leotard, free-flowing and curly brown hair and has a perky voice that gets the engine running.
This mistress of cardio sporting the curve-hugging outfit, is none other than Richard Simmons - the epitome of terrible gym attire.
Simmons' love affair with Lycra tops the list for number of cringes received, but don't allow yourself to become near his ranking; especially in the Aztec Recreation Center, where you could meet your future ex-boyfriend or girlfriend.
Nevertheless, there's no need to fret or wonder what exactly qualifies as "proper" for exercising.
Here are some tips, similar to how Stacy London and Clinton Kelly of TLC's "What Not To Wear" advise guests on their show - the only difference being those taking the advice are being weaned away from wearing tacky muumuus and dresses dating back to 1900.
Tip No. 1: When entering the weight room in the ARC, try to wear a sleeveless, aged T-shirt. Obviously this rule applies mainly to guys because girls in the gym often defy the rule and are sleeveless already; or even shirtless in general.
Forgetting a sleeveless shirt isn't a big deal, just stand off to the side and rip the sleeves clean off at the seams - preferably not near a mirror or you may find yourself in a Beniot-style chokehold, courtesy of the 'roided-out guy lifting nearby.
While guys will be giving free tickets to the "gun show" by going sleeveless, girls on the other hand remain an entirely different story when it comes to suitable ARC attire.
Tip No. 2: Running shorts are not the same as booty shorts.
Sure, you work out and should feel confident about those glutes, but working out is not about showing everyone on the elliptical behind you a large portion of your rear. Save the shorts for when you're half-dressed on Halloween.
Finally, this ARC fashion tip applies to a minority of ladies who frequent the gym. Makeup in the gym is a definite no-no, as I'm sure you've discovered by now from the amount of acne the sweat-caked mess on your face has created.
Black seeping from every corner of your eyes and your frizzed hair soaking in sweat will only disenchant the opposite sex, along with making you look like a wet raccoon or another form of unpleasant rodent.
Nevertheless, a good amount of ARC regulars realize the gym doesn't equal a fashion show and you already abide by these simple tips. The real runway is on the way to class - or at least the girls walking around campus in nine-inch stilettos appear to think so.
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