Merriam-Webster defines a “creep” as “an unpleasant or obnoxious person.” Seriously, look it up, it’s in there. However, although true, this definition seems to lack the essence of what it’s like to encounter such a person in the flesh. Are they unpleasant or obnoxious? Yes, but the true defining characteristic of most creeps is they often cannot identify themselves with this label. Now, gentlemen, this one goes out to you. If you can identify with any of the following scenarios, it may be time to take the hint. You may be a creep.
Here’s an example: You’re at a party, making your move on some poor, unsuspecting girl and find yourself perplexed by the way a conversation you began in a secluded hallway could shift so suddenly into a crowded kitchen. Now, this could realistically happen for one of two reasons: She could either be very hungry or very purposefully trying to slide away from you with discrete backward steps. Take this as a lesson in body language. If she starts a partial backbend in the opposite direction, she is telling you to get away, not act as a spotter.
Continuing this topic of physical signals, it is vital to pay attention to environmental cues when approaching any prospect. This is where we separate the creeps from the non-creeps. When noticing a girl is pulling away, non-creepy guys often know how to take the hint and quickly move on to the next best thing. This is not only smart, but time-efficient and ultimately favorable for both parties. Creeps, however, do not move so appropriately. A girl may blatantly avoid eye contact, pick up her phone (which is not ringing) as you beeline in her direction, profess her love for a boyfriend she may or may not have, cross her arms and shiver in 90 degree heat or even straight-up walk away from a conversation mid-sentence. However, a creep will not interpret any of these signals. In fact, he may go so far as to comment on their great chemistry and pull out ChapStick while saying, “I’d really like to kiss you right now.” No. Stop. Unless that girl is discretely backstepping into an empty bedroom, this is not OK.
Also, as a side note, you are most definitely a creep if you think it’s appropriate to interject sexual commentary into introductory conversations. For example: “Hi, I’m (fill in unlucky girl’s name here).” “Hi (unlucky girl), I couldn’t help but notice how good you look in that dress.” “Thanks … ” “I bet you’d look even better in my bed.”
Yeah … not OK.
Just accept it. You will not find a love connection with every person you meet. Just because a girl is friendly does not mean she wants you. Yes, this may be confusing for many guys who operate with a simple black-and-white perception of the world. However, women often work within varying shades of gray. So, that friendliness may merely be a convoluted way of saying, “I’m not interested, but I don’t know how to let you down easily. So, I’m just going to stand here and smile until you leave.”
If you can relate to any of the previous examples, it is time to adopt your title and don the crown of creep. Now it’s time to choose your path: Run with it and creep proudly, or change your ways and actually land a decent girl.
It’s your choice. However, if you do decide upon the former, I will be shifting to the kitchen, on the phone with my mystery boyfriend, staring into my cup and wishing I hadn’t worn such a bright dress.
—Kelly Callas is an English junior.
—This column does not necessarily reflect the opinion of The Daily Aztec.