SAN DIEGO STATE— Mardi Gras is soon to be in full swing, and many students on campus are rushing to stay abreast of the upcoming celebrations.
Several classes on campus, including Beadmaking: An Art 110, Feathercrafting 370 and Advanced Economics and Psychology of Facepainting 420, have been preparing for the event since the beginning of the semester.
Professor of Strategic Placement of Booby Tassels 120, Joseph Plume, said, “As one of the foremost party schools of the U.S., we have a responsibility to make sure our boas have the most feathers, our appletinis are the strongest and our tassels are the skimpiest.”
“I understand that many believe San Diego State is concerned solely with academics,” said Whitney Stetton, a junior majoring in Bad Decisions and Beadthrowing. “But we want to show that partiers can be smart too. We’re just as intelligent as everyone else.”
Gazing out of the classroom window, Stetton said, “Jeez, it’s looking pretty nippley out there.”
Other professors aren’t as pleased about preparations for the holiday.
Professor of Advanced Gerontology Ebeneezer Fogeyton said, “I’ve been at SDSU for 83 years, and I’ve never felt this exposed. Our school is sagging to depressing levels.” After sipping from his mushed bran and prune juice, Fogeyton asked, “I’m sorry, was there something you wanted to ask me?”
In response to growing criticism, students in Beadmaking: An Art 110 have created a charity event called “The Campain for Beeds for Food Campain.” The event, which takes place in the Entertainment Recital Hall on campus, is open to all students. Visitors can browse an ample supply of voluptuous watermelons, cantaloupes, acorn squash and other curvaceous vegetables. Paintings of the San Onofre Power Plant will be sold to visitors, either on canvas or as a face painting. Music and free-form poetry will also be provided, and tassels benefitting the Boys OverloOking BreakfastS campaign will be sold at a moderate price.
“Some people don’t understand what we’re trying to do for the community,” Professor of Free Love and Public Exposure Mike Rests said. “We’re not just trying to encourage students to show some skin for the purpose of collecting cheap, plastic beads. We’re uh … well, nothing really comes to mind right now. But we’re pioneers of, you know, those other things.”
“There’s a whole underbelly of fun to this campus on Mardi Gras most students aren’t aware of,” Anatomy of the Upper Torso senior Takoff Brassiere said. “But it’s not as easy as it looks.
Aerodynamics is huge. Throwing beads … you have to make sure you get the arch right, or you might hit them in the face. Metal beads fly farther than plastic ones. And you really have to account for the number of drinks you’ve had, so that in itself is a whole ‘nother ball game.”
When asked how Fogeyton would celebrate Mardi Gras, he responded, “I remember back in my day, we used to walk 10 miles in the snow through the forest, and we’d cut down a tree and put presents around it. And then a bunny would come and give us chocolate eggs and four-leaf clovers. What happened to that? And where am I right now? What year is this?”
—Chris Pocock is a journalism junior. Go get some beads, everyone.
—The views expressed in this column do not necessarily reflect the opinion of The Daily Aztec.
—This story is an inherent work of fiction and by no means true by any degree. Any similarity to names or events is entirely coincidental.