“My girlfriend is really thoughtful and does so much for me. i feel like i’m not pulling my weight in the relationship, but she hasn’t mentioned anything about it. do I need to step it up or does she need to tone it down?”
Love Guru: Bro, step it up or stop complaining. You should feel lucky to have such a thoughtful girl, and telling her to tone it down seems unappreciative. Of course she hasn’t mentioned anything! If she really is that thoughtful, she wouldn’t do these things expecting something in return. She’s doing it because she cares and enjoys making you feel good. To show you’ve noticed her efforts, at least acknowledge how thankful you are. Even if you are trying to step it up, there’s no need to go all-out. The little things are more significant than lavish gifts. Try making dinner or leaving cute notes in her purse to show you’re thinking about her. Anything requiring some forethought, such as planning a nice date without telling her anything beforehand, will really surprise her.
“How many dates should I have with someone before we can be intimate together? I don’t want to seem easy or insincere, but I’m human.”
Love Guru: Great point. As humans, one of our greatest desires (and needs, I might add) are sexual desires. Any pop songs come to mind? “You and me baby ain’t nothin’ but mammals. So let’s do it like they do on the Discovery Channel.” Yes—it’s an inescapable fact, that we like sex and we are going to have sex. To answer this perennial question as to when the time is right … my dear friend, I say whenever it feels right. Too vague? Certainly not! If sparks are flying and time is dying, she better be sighing.
“I’ve gone on a few dates with a guythatIthinkIdolikealot.I know I’m supposed to play hard to get to keep his attention, but how long do I have to play these games before I can just tell him I want to get serious?”
Love Guru: You’ve heard the dating rules:
1. Wait three days before calling him after the first date.
2. Always let the man initiate the contact.
3. Girl, forget this ridiculous cat-and-mouse game and tell him how you feel. What the romantic comedies usually don’t show is, in reality, men are clueless. They usually don’t pick up on subtle cues, sideways glances or inconspicuous “flirty” text messages. For a man to truly understand what you want, you need to be more direct about your desires and after a few dates, it should be pretty clear whether this guy wants to take it to the next level or not. The problem is, he won’t usually be the one to bring up the subject in normal conversation. This is where you have to be willing to put yourself out there. When playing hard to get, you might actually be sending him mixed messages leaving him thinking you’re not interested at all. It’s a delicate balance of being too available and off on some other planet. Bottom line, ladies, don’t wait around for Prince Charming on a white horse to sweep you off your feet. Take off those glass slippers, hop in your own fancy ride and get your man.
“I have a decent job and I work really hard for my money. My boyfriend doesn’t, so I find myself paying for everything, which is a drag because it doesn’t seem to bother him. What should we do?”
Love Guru: You signed up for romance, but it’s starting to feel like full custody of a grown man. It doesn’t take a guru to know this is unacceptable.
In my opinion, you have four options:
1. Accept the situation and continue feeding your relationship with money.
2. Because option one doesn’t sound very appealing, create a “date fund” in the case your broke lover has some form of an income. To create a date fund, each person contributes the same percentage from each of his or her paychecks to facilitate some spicy nights out for the month.
3. Unfortunately, you might end up the sole contributor to the date fund. In this case, it’s time to get creative. Plan intimate nights in, consisting of home-cooked dinners and the newest Red Box release.
4. Finally if you discover that in-home lifestyle doesn’t allow you to play as hard as you work and, creates resentment, perhaps it’s time to release your fiscal burden and spend more time with the fellas in the engineering department. Harsh, I know. Never underestimate the power of communication and adjustment. Invest wisely!