Heartache at Hepner Hall:

Hi, I’m a 25-year-old male from Hyderabad, India. I have a problem and want an expert’s advice on how to resolve it. My girl broke up with me. The reason: She feels I am cheating her, and she is angry because I shared personal things between us with my cousin in the past. I have tried to convince her it is in the past, and I have changed since then, but she won’t listen. After she broke up with me in 2011, I began flirting with someone else on Facebook. Last February, she came back to me and I accepted her back into my life. Recently, however, she saw those old conversations on my Facebook and still thinks I’m flirting with her. On top of that, my cousin and I had a chat on Yahoo Messenger where he said she doesn’t suit my family and some other nasty things. My girlfriend saw that conversation too. She said she doesn’t want me in her life anymore, and even blocked my number.

I’ve tried convincing her to come back both on the phone and in person, but she just keeps ignoring me. I don’t have much time. I barely have three months because her parents want her to be married by April or May. She’s angry at me. Please, help me get her back! Note: She is a very stubborn girl.

Love Guru: To put it lightly, the situation you’re in is an ugly one. You seem like a passionate guy, which is commendable. For your commendableness, I must honor you with a bit of the same from myself by enforcing the
honesty policy.

This girl has clearly expressed how she does not trust you. In your defense, the fact that she is angry with you for flirting after your first breakup is unfair and outrageous. She has no right to judge what you did when you two weren’t even together. I can understand why she is upset about what your cousin said, but again, it’s unfair for her to take it out on you. You are a separate person from your cousin, and she needs to realize this. This woman seems to have a difficult time getting over misunderstandings from the past. If she isn’t willing to talk with you and work things out in a mature manner, then maybe it’s best to move on. I know how hard this must be to hear, but I believe honesty is the best policy and I’m sticking to that. Sometimes, my friend, two people just aren’t meant to be together. A major key to healthy relationships is that the two people want to be together equally—From what you’ve told me about her reactions to your recent convincing attempts, this doesn’t seem to be the case.

But cheer up, because I like to think you deserve better than the way your heart has been thrown around by this girl. You shouldn’t have to constantly convince someone to love you. Relationships need to be organic in the way they begin and develop. Forced relationships have little chance at being healthy ones. You shouldn’t have to waste time, effort and emotion on someone by chasing them and begging them to be with you. They should just want to be with you.

Always remember to keep your head up, friend. Love yourself and love will find you. That’s
a promise.

Feline Fearer: I have been dating the same guy for a while, but I’m worried that I’m starting to stray. Things have been getting a little stale and every guy I see is starting to look really good. I care for the guy I’m with (and I know he wants to be with me), but I can’t help but wonder if there isn’t something better out there. At the same time, I don’t want to abandon him and then realize there is no one better. What should I do?

Sincerely,

Doesn’t want to die alone with more cats than friends

Love Guru: Firstly, I wouldn’t worry just yet about dying alone. The feelings of doubt are completely normal at this stage of your life. College is the time to lay the foundation for the rest of your life, so it’s good that you aren’t taking the idea of spending forever with someone lightly.

It may be time to venture elsewhere if your eyes are already wandering. It is better to break up with someone now than to divorce them later. That being said, you have to ask yourself if the possibility of someone better outweighs the potential of losing your current significant other.