 "Photo: Liquid Library")
Just as penguins mate for life, humans are assumed to court one another for life as well. However, is it possible to know if two people can coexist peacefully without living together before marriage? The argument of whether or not it is beneficial for couples to cohabit before marriage is still controversial. Many people refer to this as the “trial run” of a relationship, to evaluate whether they are truly compatible before tying the knot. There are a handful of people who believe it is beneficial to experience living together before getting married. Others also believe a lasting marriage is more realistic when living together is saved until after marriage. Pros and cons are weighed extensively by couples, as emotions and personal beliefs play a major role in the decision of moving in together.
Pro-cohabitation
Couples will often make the decision to move in together after dating for a certain amount of time, giving them the chance to evaluate how they will like living together post-wedding. Living together is defined as two sexual partners, who are sharing a household while unmarried, according to David Popenoe and Barbara Dafoe Whitehead. In 2002, Popenoe and Whitehead were a part of The National Marriage Project, which conducted research concerning cohabitation before marriage and its outcomes. Today, society’s view on couples living together before marriage have developed to be more open-minded and accepting. Generally, people believe that by living together before the big day will result in a healthier marriage and a reduced chance of divorce.
“I think it strengthened our relationship in a lot of ways, such as learning to solve daily problems together and it helped us to work more as a team,” Joya Beamer, international business senior, said. Beamer said that she finds it to be beneficial to live with someone while they are dating, so they are able to see how they will act together and get to know each other on a deeper level. The U.S. Census Bureau found that by 2007, almost 6.4 million unmarried, American couples were living together. Each situation and circumstance is different for every couple, and many find it helpful to cohabitate before tying the knot. Popenoe and Whitehead state that cohabitation is most beneficial when couples are planning a future together and it may give them a healthy insight into their future.
Cons to “playing house”
There are still a handful of couples who decide to wait until after they are married to share a household and life together. In The National Marriage Project, Popenoe and Whitehead also found negative effects resulting from cohabitation. They found that cohabitation actually increases the chance of divorce between couples, resulting from a lack of commitment. Couples who live together before marriage often focus on their own personal needs and not the needs of their partner, which is a contributing factor to failed relationships. Popenoe and Whitehead also found that attitudes toward marriage are changed when couples move in together. Some have the idea that getting married may be less likely in the future. Throughout the decades, studies have shown that there has been an increase in both men and women who find it a good idea to live together before marriage. However, The National Marriage Project has also found evidence suggesting many couples who decide not to cohabit before getting married often have healthier, long-lasting marriages as well.
Deciding to live together or not is a decision that only couples can make together. Depending on their own personal opinions and beliefs, couples should weigh their own pros and cons of living together before taking the next step in their relationship.
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